Who You Are

Who are you? My answer to most questioners is a husband and father. But obviously, given the existence of this blog, I should also include Motorcyclist. It is interesting, isn't it, how different people answer this question. A lot of people when asked will tell you the title of their jobs or the field of their careers.

I just found myself wondering what happens to one's self image when one's life changes. I guess an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, but an alcoholic that stops drinking is no longer a drunk. A motorcyclist who gives up his motorcycle, either willingly or against his will...can he still be a motorcyclist? What of a husband who loses his wife?

What is now always has been and will forever be. Personal identification is clearly an arbitrary and intellectual exercise. I think that's why I started this blog with the statement, "I am a motorcyclist. For a long time I was a motorcyclist without a motorcycle. Now I am a motorcyclist with a motorcycle and I am happy." I didn't have a bike but I knew I was a motorcyclist.

I'll always be a parent. It is at the core of my personal identity. I will always be a husband. That too is at the core of my identity.

I look forward to my continuing evolution as a person, man, human. What will I become in the future? I can only guess. But I do know who I am right now.

The Seed

The man dug a small hole in the ground and in it placed a seed. For days and weeks he tended the seed - watering and fertilizing and weeding and loving. After a while the man started to tend to the seed less and less often and eventually he just gave up. The man hadn't known what kind of seed he'd planted. After all, he was no gardener. He'd assumed the seed would grow quickly and he'd be able to enjoy the fruit from the vine or the beauty of flowers. The seed was bad and was never going to grow.

While the man was away and after many, many months the seed did sprout.

The son of the man, a man himself now - a lifetime later - on a sunny, hot, windless, perfect summer day, sat down and leaned against the trunk of a tree, (he didn't know what kind of tree. After all, he was no arborist.) But he enjoyed the cool shade that the tree offered and appreciated how the leaves, tickled by breezes he could not detect, danced and shivered against the blue sky.

Don't ever ask "where should we plant seeds?" "What kind?" "For whom?" Rather, plant seeds, whatever kind you have, wherever you are and for whomever may come along.

Here she comes again...

Today was a balmy 55 degree November day. Tomorrow it's coming. Winter. By Thanksgiving Day the high will be 30. Soooooo...

Heavenly father, Mother earth, Brother sun and Sister moon, thank you for the gift of life and thank you for the gift of this day. I also thank you for adversity for it is in the face of adversity that we rise above. I thank you for the gift of plenty as I am well equipped to help others. Finally, thank you for the gift of love, both the verb and the noun, for it is beautiful.

Father, Mother, Brother, Sister - I pray for peace and to be peaceful. I pray to be deserving of your graces.

So there you have it - really, really bad buddhism - but if I've learned anything over the past few months it is that I don't know as much as I used to think. Buddhist tenets speak to me, whereas the concept of God didn't. Now...well now I'm not so certain about God. He hasn't spoken to me. Yet. But his hand, or that of serendipity, has clearly been at work in my life.

Too much to explain. I suggest watching the moving Grand Canyon and learn to be open to miracles.

So there.

The Passing of a Dear Friend

My closest friend passed away yesterday. The trauma of knowing this is too much to bear, but what can I do? All things of this world are finite and all things are born, grow and eventually die on different time scales; they have different start and end points.

I've already cried as my friend grew weaker and visibly showed the effects of disease and illness. What is left for me to do now but continue to breathe and to move. Maybe grow, maybe reach out to someone new.

I wrote months ago about the macro and the micro and that all that ever was is now and ever shall be. So, I guess, my friend isn't really gone - just passed from the realm of matter to that of energy and the energy is dispersing around the world. Maybe that's good.

I just wish I'd had one more good day...

One Life to Live

You have one life to live. Yes, you are born and you die. A life is finite and measurable. But I don't want to talk about the we only get one chance aspect of One Life. I want to talk about the the only life you have to live - as in you can't live anybody else's.

This is what I realized recently:

First, as Sting sang, "free, free, set them free...if you love somebody, set them free".
Second, as we are often told, "you have to love yourself before you're able to love someone else".

Ergo - you have to set yourself free if you are going to love yourself. And how, you're probably asking, am I going about setting myself free? Well, by following a quote which 21 years ago changed my life: "If you don't live it, you don't believe it." By living according to my values, by looking hypocrisy in the face at every turn, by being grateful and by understanding the insignificance of this One Life, I am free.

I love myself and am setting myself free. I can once again set the people I love free. And isn't that a beautiful thing - to be surrounded by people who are free? People who are free to love you and to be with you?


After note:
These are the things I think of as I'm riding my VFR and when I'm lifting weights alone. I talk to myself and all these things seem so interesting and reasonable. I don't know if they are, but damn, this one is important to me!

Riding tomorroow

October 15th of any year is a good day to ride. No doubt about it being autumn. Likely it's gonna be cold. But 2010 just keeps offering up these incredible fall days.

I know it will be cold in the morning. But that's just a good excuse to sit at the Johnson Creek Kwik Trip and have a cup of coffee and a breakfast bar. They have a little counter where you can sit and watch people pump gas. I like it there - they always say, "see you next time!" What confidence.

Speaking of really, really good corporate scripting...

Here's one thing I love about Harley Dealerships. You show up on a Honda and no one gives you shit. They just stand there looking cool in their HD motor clothes, making a lot of eye contact and then, "ready to trade up?" I love that.

A topic I'm going to write on soon: you only have one life to live.

Good night Gracie.

Hate me if you must!!!

So I woke up recently and weighed in well under what is a comfortable weight for a strong man. Tonight I am commiting to gaining 10 pounds by the end of the year. My program will be based on:

1. Eating food. Not junk. Just more food, more regularly.



2. Lifting weights. Never once in my life have I regretted lifting. So more lifting, more regularly.



3. Living. Man, life is just too short not to.



4. Short runs (3 - 5 miles) to keep my heart pumping.

I'll post pictures of my skinny ass self soon. And I'll report progress in a month or so.