Here she comes again...

Today was a balmy 55 degree November day. Tomorrow it's coming. Winter. By Thanksgiving Day the high will be 30. Soooooo...

Heavenly father, Mother earth, Brother sun and Sister moon, thank you for the gift of life and thank you for the gift of this day. I also thank you for adversity for it is in the face of adversity that we rise above. I thank you for the gift of plenty as I am well equipped to help others. Finally, thank you for the gift of love, both the verb and the noun, for it is beautiful.

Father, Mother, Brother, Sister - I pray for peace and to be peaceful. I pray to be deserving of your graces.

So there you have it - really, really bad buddhism - but if I've learned anything over the past few months it is that I don't know as much as I used to think. Buddhist tenets speak to me, whereas the concept of God didn't. Now...well now I'm not so certain about God. He hasn't spoken to me. Yet. But his hand, or that of serendipity, has clearly been at work in my life.

Too much to explain. I suggest watching the moving Grand Canyon and learn to be open to miracles.

So there.

The Passing of a Dear Friend

My closest friend passed away yesterday. The trauma of knowing this is too much to bear, but what can I do? All things of this world are finite and all things are born, grow and eventually die on different time scales; they have different start and end points.

I've already cried as my friend grew weaker and visibly showed the effects of disease and illness. What is left for me to do now but continue to breathe and to move. Maybe grow, maybe reach out to someone new.

I wrote months ago about the macro and the micro and that all that ever was is now and ever shall be. So, I guess, my friend isn't really gone - just passed from the realm of matter to that of energy and the energy is dispersing around the world. Maybe that's good.

I just wish I'd had one more good day...

One Life to Live

You have one life to live. Yes, you are born and you die. A life is finite and measurable. But I don't want to talk about the we only get one chance aspect of One Life. I want to talk about the the only life you have to live - as in you can't live anybody else's.

This is what I realized recently:

First, as Sting sang, "free, free, set them free...if you love somebody, set them free".
Second, as we are often told, "you have to love yourself before you're able to love someone else".

Ergo - you have to set yourself free if you are going to love yourself. And how, you're probably asking, am I going about setting myself free? Well, by following a quote which 21 years ago changed my life: "If you don't live it, you don't believe it." By living according to my values, by looking hypocrisy in the face at every turn, by being grateful and by understanding the insignificance of this One Life, I am free.

I love myself and am setting myself free. I can once again set the people I love free. And isn't that a beautiful thing - to be surrounded by people who are free? People who are free to love you and to be with you?


After note:
These are the things I think of as I'm riding my VFR and when I'm lifting weights alone. I talk to myself and all these things seem so interesting and reasonable. I don't know if they are, but damn, this one is important to me!

Riding tomorroow

October 15th of any year is a good day to ride. No doubt about it being autumn. Likely it's gonna be cold. But 2010 just keeps offering up these incredible fall days.

I know it will be cold in the morning. But that's just a good excuse to sit at the Johnson Creek Kwik Trip and have a cup of coffee and a breakfast bar. They have a little counter where you can sit and watch people pump gas. I like it there - they always say, "see you next time!" What confidence.

Speaking of really, really good corporate scripting...

Here's one thing I love about Harley Dealerships. You show up on a Honda and no one gives you shit. They just stand there looking cool in their HD motor clothes, making a lot of eye contact and then, "ready to trade up?" I love that.

A topic I'm going to write on soon: you only have one life to live.

Good night Gracie.

Hate me if you must!!!

So I woke up recently and weighed in well under what is a comfortable weight for a strong man. Tonight I am commiting to gaining 10 pounds by the end of the year. My program will be based on:

1. Eating food. Not junk. Just more food, more regularly.



2. Lifting weights. Never once in my life have I regretted lifting. So more lifting, more regularly.



3. Living. Man, life is just too short not to.



4. Short runs (3 - 5 miles) to keep my heart pumping.

I'll post pictures of my skinny ass self soon. And I'll report progress in a month or so.

Amelioration redux

Fog. Like a dream I stepped out of the fog into... denser fog. My vision wasn't obscured but my ability to see was. The connectedness of everything was imbued with a lack of value, future, foundation. Where the hell was I?

The twilight zone? Rod S. is that you? What was real? What hadn't been? What wasn't? Isn't?

Then a discovery. Another man's words:

"We are in a similar scary place, if not physical then perceptual, faced with challenges that seem insurmountable. We need to keep moving, keep making decisions, which are possible only through constructive dialogue with our adversaries across cultural boundaries.

Movement is knowledge, a conversation with the unknown, a path to salvation - not an attachment to the past. We can't stand still and we don't have the rope to get back to where we were."

On a long, hot ride last Saturday on some of the twistiest, hilliest roads I've ever ridden, I got tired and didn't know where I was. So, I stopped and rested. And drank water. And realized that not knowing where you are is different than being lost. The sun was out so I reckoned my location and started riding again. "Movement is knowledge."

I rode out of the fog.

Amelioration

Fog is the worst weather condition to ride in. You can't see well and you're unsure if other motorists can see you. Time and space devolve into a level of singularity where presence is absolved and forward movement, progress becomes difficult; indeed at times the time/space continuum stops. It is unsafe to continue; indeed you can't continue.

Patience. Time. A little sunshine. Always something to focus on. The path. The destination. The ride.

I appreciate good metaphors. I hope you do too.

So many topics...

I love good metaphors and I've been thinking of writing about "a new coat of paint" and "what's in a name". But I have to throw the metaphors away because I'm carrying the weight of "telling people what they don't want to hear".

I've been on the receiving end of this before, but more often I've been the one telling. So, "your shift is changing", "your work assignment is changing" and "you're not performing your job well" has been my focus for a few weeks. Fewer than 20 of 115 have had to hear me say it directly, but it carries heavy on everyone.

Day care, second jobs, spouses, families, obligations - life. Number two. That's the unspoken truth of my message.

It's my job. It makes good business sense. Better utilization of resources. Consistent with strategic plan.

When did I become this guy?

Zen Stories

What do patient satisfaction, motorcycling and competition have to do with Zen Stories? Short answer - I'm intimate with all three.

Long answer - I attended a "lunch and learn" meeting last week with a group of people seeking to improve patients' experiences at the hospital where I work. The theme for the hour was "Zen Stories" and was facilitated by a beautiful woman who works in the Lab as a phlebotomist. I won't retell the Zen Stories here but I will summarize that they all had to do with people being "fully present". We talked a lot about what "fully present" means and I think we reached consensus that, at least in the realm of patient care (customer service), it implies a singular focus and broad receptiveness to the reality of a shared now. We are asked to do this repeatedly throughout the day as we tend to one patient's needs and then tend to another patient's needs. The first patient never loses importance in our minds, but our conscious mind must continually re-focus on the "now" patient.

The motorcycle both allows and requires the rider to be fully present. Extraneous external stimuli are muted - phones, radios, snacks and beverages - but senses stimulated into awareness. Each deceleration, acceleration and curve; each stop sign, car, truck and deer requires that elapsed moments be allowed to flow into the past so that the present is the focus.
(Bad buddhism, bad Zen. Sorry)

And competition...

'Competing gives purpose to my training and allows comparison of my efforts with those of other men. It’s also a relief not to be typecast by Parkinson’s. There’s no “PD” placed after my name on the whiteboard in the list of competitors. There’s no-one telling me to “rest if you feel tired.”'

This comes from a post on Stumptuous.com. Here's the link: http://www.stumptuous.com/shaky-man-in-the-gym-2-keep-on-shakin

"PD" is Parkinson's Disease. I think this gentleman gets the same thing out of competing that I do. Read this story and the shaky-man-1 and you'll learn of a man improving his future by focusing in the now, and by refusing to adhere to the tenets of his pathology.

Peace man.

Competition

I've gone on the record stating that I am not competitive. I enjoy competing to the extent that it allows me to gauge my abilities against others, but generally winning and losing are about the same to me. I assume that I will give my best, in the moment, and my best will not always measure up, but that does not make me a loser.

So, that being said, I'm officially registered for the Capital City Strong Man competition on June 12. I think I'll finish somewhere around 2nd to last (compared to last year's results). My goal is to perform sufficiently to be measured in each event: flip the 600 pound tire once, carry the two 175 pound milk cans a couple of feet, press at least 165, move the 550 pound sled a foot and pick up one Atlas stone.

What's that? Why am I doing this? Well, let me tell you. Last year my wife decided to run the Crazy Legs and she invited every one to run with her. A lot did, but the real news is she's still running. Since the Crazy legs she's done two 1/2 marathons, will soon be doing the Syttende Mei (sic), and in October the Chicago Marathon. She's entered these events and she's learned and met people and now she's a Runner.

I did the Moonshine because I consider myself a Motorcyclist. I went, I learned and met people, rode 962 miles in 3 days and I am a Motorcyclist.

I've always wanted to be a strong man. I remember when I was 4 or 5 trying to lift my dad and just being amazed at how heavy he was and how strong he was (Shout out to my dad - he may be a bit heavier now, but still strong. Very strong). So I'm entered in this event and I hope to learn and meet people.

And maybe in a year or so become a Strong Man.

Well, really...(from a reply sent to my friend Jim)

"You're an atheist?". Yes, I am one atheist. Yes, I am an a-theist.

Therein lies the problem with categorizing atheists as a group...people don't identify themselves as members of groups based on what they don't believe in (tea partiers excepted, perhaps). It would be kind of like calling christians "a-moslems", when most christians identify themselves based on what they do believe in, i.e. catholocism (WTF!!), rather than what they don't.

Unless one believes in a god or god-like deity, one meets the definition of atheist. Buddhists are a-theists, but whether they're atheists is a big, stinking, worthless debate (you don't believe in a god, you're an atheist, I don't give a shit how damn spiritual you are, IMO). But "atheist" has become a meaningless label, especially to atheists. It's come to imply secularist, science-ist, devil worshiper (double WTF!!) and other things when all it means is "there ain't no god(s)". Frankly I don't want to be a member of a group defined by what it's members don't believe in, unless it has something to do with really, really hating the Chicago Bears. But even that would be based on a common belief, "the Bears still suck", as opposed to a common disbelief (a-belief?).

Goddamn. That's a pretty fucking good milkshake.

If you find yourself somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Eastern Indiana. Look for this place. Vince Vega would have approved because it was good AND $2.01 less than $5.00.

I had to stop and get a pic of the "Welcome to Farmer City" sign for two reasons - I love the thought of living in a town called Farmer City, and because when I was living in Bloomington I always listened to a radio station called "The Whip" which broadcasts from Farmer City. You can check it out and stream it from here: http://www.wwhp.com/ It is the best broadcast radio station ever.

Took a trip last weekend. Edgerton, Wi. to Bloomington, Il. Then on to Casey for the Moonshine Run. Casey, Il to Carmel, In (stopped in at the Slippery Noodle with an old friend for good food and great blues). Indy back to Edgerton. 962 miles round trip.

Whither March

And so the lion came. In the form of an inch of wet snow last Saturday and with a chilly 18 degree overnight low tonight. More of an annoyed lion's scratch than a culling of the herd. Thank goodness.

Two divergent topics tonight - new tires and achy joints.

Achy joints - Well, predictably, I got competitive with myself lifting weights in the barn. I started following a program based on 5 sets of 5 reps and increasing the weight incrementally each time. Except it was supposed to be "increase the weight incrementally each week", and incrementally rarely, for fellas 47 years old, means 10 pounds.

So I found my self doing squat 5 x 5's with 265 pounds and HOLY WAH! my left hip felt like it needed to be replaced! For a few weeks I bobbed back and forth so bad while I was walking I looked like Festus scurrying to the shootout.

So here're the things - Incrementally means like, oh, 2.5 or 5 pounds. Per week. The result is I started over at 225 to give my tendons, ligaments and shit time to catch up with my skinny thighs. And last night popped out a set at 235 and feel great.

Tires - Here's something I didn't want to know. Some people change the tires on their bikes with each oil change! Now that's street bike dudes tearin' up the twisties, but still. Most Motorcyclists are thrilled to get 10 k out of a set.

My tires need replacing.

Now go shop for tires. Too many damn choices. Features, tread, soft, hard, compounds, yadda, yadda, yadda. I settled on a new pair of Michelins which were cutting edge 2 or 3 years ago. There are "better" tires out there now, but hey, my VFR is 4 years old. This laptop is two years old. Eh.

Friday Night

The macro. The micro. Lessons are learned when one sees the other. The lesson is learned when they see each other.

What is the lesson?

All that ever will be is now and has forever been.

You can't take it with you.

Put up or Shut up

I hereby publicly declare that the next chance I get to gear up and ride I'm going to do it. Only thing that will hold me back is crappy road conditions. My wife runs in every type of weather, even with crappy roads, so I'm going to adopt her fortitude.

Besides, what is being "cold"? Temporary freezing of the fingers? A red, runny nose? The shivers? Nah - that's just what happens when you're out in the cold. Being "cold" is not having the recourse to become warm (i.e. stranded on a desolate road in sub-zero temperatures; not able to pay the utility bill; being homeless). My wife loves running - she is a "runner" - so the cold doesn't hold her back. If I am a "motorcyclist" then it shouldn't me either.

Winter

I am a motorcyclist. But is winter, in Wisconsin, real winter. Thus I am out of the saddle and out of sorts - for now.

So I spend hours every week in a cage (car) that really brings me no joy. It's not a great bother either, but it leads me to spend a lot of time in neutral (me, not the car). Which has led to, literally, saddle sores. My wife has shown me some yoga positions and reinforced positively my efforts to stretch out the kinks and bursitis.

I finally got my butt out to the barn and started lifting weights again. Next to my new favorite past time, riding my motorcycle, lifting is a close second, or at worst third, maybe fourth or fifth. Anyway - squats, bench presses, cleans, dead lifts and standing presses are being recorded by yours truly. I hope to be able to keep a lid on it a little and not fall into competing with myself, lifting too hard and incurring another little injury. Deep down I'm an ectomorph trying to look like a mesomorph and I just ain't hard wired for power lifting.

I do think it will improve my riding though. Well-er is better. Engaged is better. Expending energy (having energy to expend?) is better than taking it in (read: beer, donuts, other crap).

Peace